I know plenty of men who fancy Seth Rogen, proof that bigger guys are still often lusted after

“You’re just getting a little too, well, chubby”

Does anyone want to hear this from their partner?  My friend Gareth was none too pleased when his boyfriend of 8 months made this comment last week.  Wondering why things were cooling off sexually between them, Gareth had gently brought up the subject of what was going wrong.  He hadn’t got what he’d expected.

“I can get all the pressure I need to dislike my body just by flicking through QX or the Daily Mail.  I don’t need extra help from someone I love.”

That said, Gareth accepts that his boyfriend isn’t making it up.  Over the past few months, old pairs of trousers have started digging ever-deeper caterpillar tracks into his waist, while his face is subtly but noticeably rounder.  He’s still a handsome, utterly charming person – and many men out there would prefer his new body shape – but there’s no denying that he’s more pillowy and less angular than he was when he met his current lover.  Whether this really matters, however, is a moot point.  When you fall in love with someone, after all, you normally do so with their whole personality, not because your heart has been smitten by a particular silhouette (at least, romantic that I am, that’s what I like to pretend).  As people get older, bodies usually get less taut and trim – if you can’t accept at least some evidence of the effects of time, you’re better off sticking to one night stands.

At the same time, relationships come with an unwritten contract.  Deciding you can fulfil another person’s emotional and sexual needs indefinitely is a brave thing to do, and no one should be surprised if it takes work.  A few inches more or less on the waistline should be okay with anyone but the most rigid body fascist, but letting your shape change radically (either way) is a good way of letting your partner feel taken for granted.  Has Gareth been doing just that with his partner, then?

“Not at all! I just splurged a bit last holiday and haven’t made it back to the gym yet.  I refuse to see that the odd extra pint and the occasional treadmill session less means I’m slapping my boyfriend’s libido in the face.”

Despite being put out by his boyfriend’s comment, Gareth says things have started improving.

“I didn’t like it, but just a bit of honesty between us has thawed things out, and we’ve started having more sex already.  It might be easier in the short term to lie and pretend everything’s okay –but sex aside, this is a relationship we both badly want to continue, so it’s better getting it out in the open.”

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