Turn Me Off
Who needs the Internet? I met this guy at a gay macrame workshop.
Josh Hunt is offline. There, I’ve said it – and as far as I can the sky hasn’t fallen on my head. After recently tearing through a swift succession of dates like spit through a whistle, I’ve decided it’s time for a change. I need to wean myself off dating websites and force myself out to meet guys in that damp, grimy, perplexingly three-dimensional world lurking outside my front door. Why? Because despite having carved so many notches on my bedposts it looks like they’ve been ravaged by termites, I now seem to greet new men in person with all the guts and confidence of a bunny saying hello to an oncoming train. So used have I become to the cushioning preliminary banter of online courtship that the days when I actually plucked up courage to approach people in person seem as distant as the flood. Well, no more.
The penny finally dropped this week following a date with the Spanish guy I mentioned in my piece last Wednesday. When met up at The Green in Islington this Friday, things went swimmingly. He was sweet, apparently quite clever and had caramel-coloured forearms so delightfully chunky I had to resist the temptation to bite into them like corncobs. I felt at ease and found myself effortlessly trotting out my usual showponies – funny anecdotes supposed to illustrate “who I really am”. He liked me well enough and we seemed to be on a steady track, ending in sleeping together a few times (though probably not that night) followed by polite mutual withdrawal. This thought made me pause. We were both too practised to risk heartbreak, and too stuck in our dating roles to offer any real self-disclosure. As an experience, it was slick and banal – what was the point?
President of the gay pigeon fanciers association, Altrincham branch
Clearly, when the Internet only provides you with dates that make you feel blasé, it’s time to try a different tack to something less fixed and formulaic. But where to turn? I’m not the only gay man whose eagerness to approach strangers in person has been drained away by the relative ease of online dating. I’ve decided that the best idea is not to hang out in bars (that’s a bit too 90s) but just to do stuff I care about – join a reading group, get involved in more activism – and meet guys without the overt agenda of sussing out if they’re marriageable or not. Even if it doesn’t provide me with more than mates, it will certainly beat hours online swapping cock pics and “alright m8?” with lonely postmen in Nuneaton (is that just me?). I hope that doesn’t sound like defeat – I actually feel excited, fresh and generally spunkier at the thought of changing direction. Meanwhile, if anyone has any good tips as to new, unexpected places to meet other gays, there is a comment box below….
Popularity: 18% [?]
I deleted my gaydar profile ages ago, as well as some other sites I had profiles on. Now I just have facebook and twitter, which are less sexually orientated (depending on how you use them).
It was frightening at first, but I’ve actually been going on real dates and having face to face conversations. Although the sex is less frequent, I find it’s far better than chatting animatedly to a gorgeous photo for two weeks, only to find that in reality they look ten years older, sound like Alan Carr and have personality of a dead fish.
Good luck!
I think I know what you mean.. It’s just doesn’t feel the same anymore, does it? I mean, if you have been through the real thing, when you’ve seen and touched and smell then the monotonous sounds of your mouse and keyboard just won’ do it. I find myself on gaydar going through profiles and after 5 minutes I’m like, I’m so over this: the messages, the reports, the wondering – did he read it? I guess it’s a good thing, as long as it comes with more of that out there interaction, with guys you can actually see and talk to, without them wearing a tshirt that reads hottop8″ .