I know this picture doesn't relate to the article - what's your point?

“Welcome back to the interesting people!” read the comment on my Facebook wall.  Of all the feedback I’ve got since discussing my recent break-up here, this comment from an online friend (hi D) last week has stuck in my mind the most.  Is it really true that single people are more interesting?  Or is that just propaganda put about defensively by those of us who haven’t bagged a partner?

Personally, I must admit I’m more relaxed and quick-witted now I am back on my own.  During the time I was with my ex I found myself turning into this muted, daddy-ish rock at my boyfriend’s side, the brash, volatile colours of my usual self steadily fading to grey.  I’m not sure why this happened – I don’t blame Karim.  I suppose I was trying to make us more of a unit, to soften our differences.  This was a mistake – you can’t, after all, turn a cow into a zebra by painting over its hide with stripes.  Now I’m not trying to tone myself down I definitely feel livelier and more outgoing.

That says more about my relationship issues, however, than the general nature of being attached.  I know coupled gay men who are pretty damned intriguing and, for some, getting out of the dating game frees their minds for other more interesting things (though some of them seem happy to squander it all on World of Warcraft).   But it’s certainly true that attached men are just less, well, hungry than single ones.  Without such a strongly-felt need to sell themselves, it’s hardly surprising that many of them seem calmer.  For single people, trying to be interesting is a duty, a kind of obligation.  When I go out, I’m constantly trotting out the same observations and anecdotes like pretty show ponies, all in an effort to make myself at least potentially pokeable to each new audience.

I noticed this when I was out at Horsemeat Disco just before Christmas.  Determined to make an effort, I made a point of talking to as many people as possible.  While this meant chatting to a few nobs – “you’d be so much prettier if you didn’t eat meat” was one of the comments I received – it was still kind of fun. After a time, however, I noticed that I was repeating myself and that I was getting a bit bored at the sound of my own voice – what was the point, I wondered?  Looking around the room, I counted up all the people I knew – quite a few, it turned out.  Most of them I liked and a few of them I thought were fantastic.  If I hadn’t been out there flogging myself, making an effort and attempting to spark people’s interest, it would have still been a roomful of strangers.  Indeed, all my single years have populated London for me as a place full of good memories and friends.  While being unattached doesn’t make you more interesting, the effort to reach out it obliges you to make can certainly break your life out of its little box and turn it into something far richer.

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