I have a few friends in the community who are certainly guilty of 2 or sometimes even up to 4 of the above. I myself would have to certainly say i’ve been guilty of numbers 2, 6, and 10. 8 only on a sarcastic level.
I wouldn’t say that i necessarily accuse muscly or butch guys specifically of being vacuous, but there are many sub-types in the gay world who i might assume to be so, and i have ended up right on a number of occasions. It’s not led me to pre-judge, but i think i certainly end up judging a venue, site, or type of man from his Facebook profile, based on previous experiences with the same sort.
Though I have a few queeny friends, i don’t judge such a means of expression purely on its level of femininity. Hell, as druid who works with Goddesses, i’d have to be the last sort of person to act like that, and i wish pagan communities had more gay men in them especially of that type! But i think it’s easy to wish that such men wouldn’t be air-headed or shallow and then reject them when it turns out they are, mostly because in my case i find that like so many things in life the whole gay thing seems to just be about ticking everyone elses’ appropriate boxes and expecting very little if you don’t. Perhaps it’s a little hypocritical of me, given such views, but just as you would say that the heteros started it first Josh, i would say the gay community pushed me into my little corner of veiled pseudo-homophobia.
Hence why i’d also pre-judge so many gays. But i guess i have kept a good number as friends up to now, on whatever levels though mostly non-sexual. And so as a result i guess i like to think that such friends make a good standard which most gays ought to live up to. Again somewhat hypocritical coming from the guy who can’t stand ticking endless boxes. But if it’s because my friends are generally noble and generous, what’s so wrong with asking for the same positive qualities in others?
Perhaps if i do have prejudices, i simply need to turn them into affirmative actions, to get the right sort of men in my life, and hopefully a special enough one (or two or three to stick by me.
Thanks for what could be considered some helpful input there, Josh.
It’s not quite the same concern, but I started to experience a rather similar problem last year when I was going to the King’s Arms a little more often, that utter strangers would start calling me “Boris” as i walked through the bar on a Sunday night. I was quite happy with being called this by my friends and acquaintances there who would see me quite regularly on those nights. I even took on the persona occasionally and actually performed at karaoke AS the mayor! But at first i wondered – what was pissing me off so much about these unknowns and any-bodies calling me by the same moniker which I indulge in? Well, i realised, if they’d not even seen me perform as him before, then basically they were calling me the name simply because of the face. And i felt that this was unfair – I don’t want to be seen as just a face! And frankly, if these guys are looking for just some ‘face’ to suck their cock at the end of the night, then they should fuck off to a sauna!
Equally annoying examples I find Josh pointing out in this entry, are the ones who take the queeny attitude over everyone in the venue who’s clearly more prissy than them. I’m sorry, but i see these sort down the King’s Arms all the time as well – and prissy the general clientèle there certainly ain’t! And frankly, if they have such a low view of themselves that these creepy mutes have to stand alone in one of the dim corners all night saying absolutely fuck all to anyone, then they only deserve the misery that shows so clearly on their faces.
It’s a fucking gay venue, fellas! If you want somewhere where you can buy a drink and just stare into space all night, then start your own one! Or better still, go find a sports bar!
Well, i’d have to say the guy in the pic definitely appears to be interesting! LOL!
Yes, t’is I! The exponent of a new year’s resolution, born of the sheer desdain I have gained for the near-obsession with relationships in the gay world! Why, just last Sunday at the King’s Arms, upon paying a compliment to a young lad, I got the immediate reply of “Well, I have a boyfriend… whom I love very much…” to which I tried desperately to stifle (and then eventually only mutter under my breath) the response of “You boring f***ot!” – and i’m not afraid to say, that is still what i now end up thinking of most paired-up men in the community, at the very least when they see it as an immediate barrier, or when they make it so much define everything that they are. WHY?!! Are they not an interesting enough person on their own?!!!
I’ll admit, I do agree somewhat with Josh’s point – some of them are still brilliantly intriguing regardless. But then you wonder, if his partner isn’t equally as interesting, how long can it possibly be expected to last?
Maybe i’m just saying that based on my firmly held belief that my last two boyfriends – one of whom had been a close friend to me for years, left me only to move on quickly to other guys, who were far more boring than me, but which of course meant they had far more time for them to then exploit. Needless to say, neither of their “re-bounds” have shown to be very secure relationships. I only hope that all involved will learn, some day, to just put in the effort to make themselves more three-dimensional individuals, and stop expecting some other guy, who they’ll inevitably hurt and betray, to do it for them.
x x
Facebook profile
10 gay positions we need to ditch
July 23rd, 2010 at 00:15I have a few friends in the community who are certainly guilty of 2 or sometimes even up to 4 of the above. I myself would have to certainly say i’ve been guilty of numbers 2, 6, and 10. 8 only on a sarcastic level.
I wouldn’t say that i necessarily accuse muscly or butch guys specifically of being vacuous, but there are many sub-types in the gay world who i might assume to be so, and i have ended up right on a number of occasions. It’s not led me to pre-judge, but i think i certainly end up judging a venue, site, or type of man from his Facebook profile, based on previous experiences with the same sort.
Though I have a few queeny friends, i don’t judge such a means of expression purely on its level of femininity. Hell, as druid who works with Goddesses, i’d have to be the last sort of person to act like that, and i wish pagan communities had more gay men in them especially of that type! But i think it’s easy to wish that such men wouldn’t be air-headed or shallow and then reject them when it turns out they are, mostly because in my case i find that like so many things in life the whole gay thing seems to just be about ticking everyone elses’ appropriate boxes and expecting very little if you don’t. Perhaps it’s a little hypocritical of me, given such views, but just as you would say that the heteros started it first Josh, i would say the gay community pushed me into my little corner of veiled pseudo-homophobia.
Hence why i’d also pre-judge so many gays. But i guess i have kept a good number as friends up to now, on whatever levels though mostly non-sexual. And so as a result i guess i like to think that such friends make a good standard which most gays ought to live up to. Again somewhat hypocritical coming from the guy who can’t stand ticking endless boxes. But if it’s because my friends are generally noble and generous, what’s so wrong with asking for the same positive qualities in others?
Perhaps if i do have prejudices, i simply need to turn them into affirmative actions, to get the right sort of men in my life, and hopefully a special enough one (or two or three
to stick by me.
Thanks for what could be considered some helpful input there, Josh.
Off With His Head
January 28th, 2010 at 14:18It’s not quite the same concern, but I started to experience a rather similar problem last year when I was going to the King’s Arms a little more often, that utter strangers would start calling me “Boris” as i walked through the bar on a Sunday night. I was quite happy with being called this by my friends and acquaintances there who would see me quite regularly on those nights. I even took on the persona occasionally and actually performed at karaoke AS the mayor! But at first i wondered – what was pissing me off so much about these unknowns and any-bodies calling me by the same moniker which I indulge in? Well, i realised, if they’d not even seen me perform as him before, then basically they were calling me the name simply because of the face. And i felt that this was unfair – I don’t want to be seen as just a face! And frankly, if these guys are looking for just some ‘face’ to suck their cock at the end of the night, then they should fuck off to a sauna!
Equally annoying examples I find Josh pointing out in this entry, are the ones who take the queeny attitude over everyone in the venue who’s clearly more prissy than them. I’m sorry, but i see these sort down the King’s Arms all the time as well – and prissy the general clientèle there certainly ain’t! And frankly, if they have such a low view of themselves that these creepy mutes have to stand alone in one of the dim corners all night saying absolutely fuck all to anyone, then they only deserve the misery that shows so clearly on their faces.
It’s a fucking gay venue, fellas! If you want somewhere where you can buy a drink and just stare into space all night, then start your own one! Or better still, go find a sports bar!
Singularly Interesting
December 30th, 2009 at 22:51Well, i’d have to say the guy in the pic definitely appears to be interesting! LOL!
Yes, t’is I! The exponent of a new year’s resolution, born of the sheer desdain I have gained for the near-obsession with relationships in the gay world! Why, just last Sunday at the King’s Arms, upon paying a compliment to a young lad, I got the immediate reply of “Well, I have a boyfriend… whom I love very much…” to which I tried desperately to stifle (and then eventually only mutter under my breath) the response of “You boring f***ot!” – and i’m not afraid to say, that is still what i now end up thinking of most paired-up men in the community, at the very least when they see it as an immediate barrier, or when they make it so much define everything that they are. WHY?!! Are they not an interesting enough person on their own?!!!
I’ll admit, I do agree somewhat with Josh’s point – some of them are still brilliantly intriguing regardless. But then you wonder, if his partner isn’t equally as interesting, how long can it possibly be expected to last?
Maybe i’m just saying that based on my firmly held belief that my last two boyfriends – one of whom had been a close friend to me for years, left me only to move on quickly to other guys, who were far more boring than me, but which of course meant they had far more time for them to then exploit. Needless to say, neither of their “re-bounds” have shown to be very secure relationships. I only hope that all involved will learn, some day, to just put in the effort to make themselves more three-dimensional individuals, and stop expecting some other guy, who they’ll inevitably hurt and betray, to do it for them.
x x